I need to take showers more often.
And I mean that in an entirely figurative sense. Totally figurative. You don’t have to worry about me keeping up with my personal hygiene – I’ve got that covered.
No, in the figurative sense, I need to take baths, shower, wash up more often.
This is going to be another one of those maybe I’m the only one, but this is how I feel scenarios. So, no offense taken if you don’t follow my thoughts or if the following does not describe you. I’m pretty sure that normal doesn’t describe me anyways. (But does it really describe anyone? And would I want it to describe me? Getting off track here…)
I have many a hangup. I have sins that follow me around. Or maybe I push them around. I think I might have a wagon that I don’t always dump out. I cart my sins around. They waft a layer of sooty dirt on to my soul, onto my attitude and my actions while I carry them. It colors how I act. I feel dirty. And I don’t like it. Who would?
Still, in spite of this dirty, nasty feeling, some days I don’t empty my wagon before my Lord and ask for a new, clean wagon in which to carry beautiful things like the fruits of the Spirit and such. (It’d be like a divine farmer’s market… can I get an amen?)
No, sometimes I feel as though I have to hang on to my stinky, smelly, dirty wagon and keep pushing it around. As though it is penance for having them, I have to continue to hold them. I have to let them bring me down because I picked them up.
Have you ever heard a more twisted thought process?
Who’s to say that because I just snapped at someone I can’t ask for forgiveness from them (and Jesus) and finish the conversation in a civil or maybe even friendly fashion? My God certainly doesn’t say that.
Who’s to say that just because I’ve been crabby towards my family this weekend at times, that I have to continue? Do I think I have some sort of bad reputation to keep up?
I need renewal, a washing, a peeling off of the scabs of sin (even though I NEVER pick off real scabs… Nasty). Just like that downpour we had tonight. I got home from church and just stood in the rain, thinking about how good it felt to be rained on. I told myself that it was cleansing rain. That it was washing away my impatience, my irritations, my lack of graciousness, my stress, my anxieties, and my unbelief. Jesus who washes that away, and the picture of rain is such a powerful one for me. Because it is a catalyst for new life. And THAT is what I want to tote around.
Cleanliness. Newness. Life.
I want to carry that around and accept the invitation to offer Jesus my yucky wagon every day, every hour, whenever it gets defiled. I’m so glad that this Christian life is a process, a journey, and not a destination. If it was a destination, I’d be hopeless, because I’m certainly not there.
Jesus, bring the rain. Bring the renewal.