I’m going on two weeks of living at home, and I’ve been doing very little other than reading, reorganizing my life, getting rid of things, searching for jobs, and trying to create structure where there isn’t much. So naturally, there hasn’t been much to say for a while. What would I write?
Today, I read for a long time on the couch. I had a couple fleeting moments of guilt, thinking I should be doing something else, something productive, but then I realized that I don’t have anything to do. Also, reading is a contribution to my career in publishing. So I went back to my book.
That would be less than post-worthy. Not that I haven’t posted many less-than-earth-shattering things before, but it just didn’t compel me to my keyboard.
But the question that has brought me here this morning is, am I a morning person? Or maybe the question is, have I been deluding myself into thinking I’m a morning person, and is it okay to lie to yourself like that?
I’ve considered myself a morning person for a few years now, meaning that I enjoy mornings. I don’t sleep in much anymore, and I like being awake before the rest of the world wakes up. But it’s a specific type of morning, meaning:
- You can’t talk to me. It doesn’t matter who you are or how I feel about you other hours of the day. When I first wake up, we don’t have conversation before I begin drinking my coffee. The only exception to this is if you are the one providing me with the coffee. Then I will talk to you. My dad can attest to this, as many mornings in high school and this past summer we were the only two up, and we basically just exchanged “good morning”s. He knows I love him. Just not before my coffee.
- It has to be quiet. That’s the best part of mornings, that there’s no noise or music. Just the sound of the coffee brewing and the heat kicking on.
But if these conditions are met, I happily enjoy the morning with my warm, caffeinated brew, my Bible, and sometimes a lot of staring out the window. There’s no time like the morning to just stare out the window at what’s going on outside. Today that’s snow. It can be early. It can be a little dark out (as long as the sun comes up soon). Granted, it’s usually around 7 that this morning starts, which I know some people will say automatically disqualifies me because it’s not early enough. I have a feeling that as I get older though, the time will get earlier.
Does that sound like a morning person? These ponderings were prompted by Julian Smith’s new video, “I’m a Morning Person”. And I am NOT that person. I will not sing to you before 8.
But when people ask you if you are a morning person or a night owl, I definitely am not a night owl. I can barely stay up til midnight. I lose most of my coherence at 10. I’ll probably toast at 11 with my parents when the clock strikes 12 in New York tonight and happily go to bed, knowing that 2016 will come whether or not I’m there to see it. And if it doesn’t come, I’ll be happy still because I’ll have gone to bed early.
So, have I been lying to myself? I resorted to taking both Buzzfeed quizzes on whether and to what extent one is a morning person. Both reported that I am, in moderation.
So, I haven’t lied to myself? Here’s the thing, there are a lot of labels we can give ourselves. I think about this a lot when I practice answering interview questions (this I do out loud in my car, involuntarily, whenever I’m driving alone: “Why do I want to work here? Well, let me tell you, steering wheel.” Yes, it’s involuntary. It’s an anxiety thing, preparing for everything!) and whether or not the words I use for myself will mean the same thing to the person I tell them to. Like when people tell you they love to read, but then they hate libraries or haven’t actually read anything in the past year. Or when they say they’re not self-disciplined but you see them walking to the gym everyday.
It’s about honesty here. Am I being honest with myself, and am I using the common definition to determine whether or not I fit into a category?
Not that anyone will ask me in an interview whether I’m a morning person or not. It’s just been a concern since you want to know yourself as well as possible in entering these things. They might ask you something like that on the fly, and it’s up to you to know yourself well enough to reply.