Question: How many times have I gone to title a post, “Rainy Day”?
Answer: Every time I sit down to write a post when it’s raining.
Minneapolis was gray and dull today, which I of course, could not see unless I rolled to the farthest edge of my desk and peered into the office behind me to see what was out the window there. I spent the day copying and pasting. Pretty much all day. I got a good six hours of copying and pasting done.
I took deep breaths on my way into the office, not knowing that copying and pasting was what was ahead of me (but really, I’m just glad to have a good job with nice people where I’m exposed to things that teach me about the industry in which I’d like to work), blissfully enjoying the cooler, drier air.
It was so lovely. Made me want soup. Any weather that makes me want soup is good weather.
I passed a guy who looked ready for November, like maybe he loves dressing for the cold and couldn’t wait for it to arrive: sweats, sweatshirt, down vest zipped all the way up. I probably stared for a little too long. Either you’re not a Minnesotan or you just really wanted to sweat. The temperature was right around 60 at this time, people. 60 degrees. Fahrenheit.
Maybe he heard the weather was changing and was trying to be prepared as he went out for his morning run. Gosh, that makes me sweat just thinking about running in that getup.
He was prepared. Maybe too prepared. Maybe prepared too early. And now I have a visual for whenever I find myself trying to step too far into the future.
Should I start making a list of all the places I want to check for open positions right before I graduate? Should I set a calendar reminder? Should I send emails to all those people now so they’ll know I’ll be applying for jobs? Should I research all the job descriptions I could possibly apply for? Should I get another backup job?
That’s just on the job front. Today I had the fleeting thought that I might enjoy being a school librarian. Here’s what followed:
I wonder what a library science degree entails. Should I Google it now? Make my decision at this moment? Oh wait, no, I’m working. Should I do an internet search for, “so, you think you want to be a librarian”? Should I buy glasses? Practice my shushing and emphatic reading-out-loud of books? Should I start memorizing leveling standards?
Calm it down, girl. Take off the down vest. Not yet.
There’s a time and place for preparedness. But there’s a point at which it becomes both faithless and unhelpful. Unhelpful because who knows what will come before you reach the hurdle you are trying to jump over from 1,000 yards away? And faithless because this kind of frenzied preparing seems to think that God isn’t concerned.
(Feuerbach might say here that I’m choosing laziness, that I’m renouncing moral effort)
I suppose instead of renouncing moral effort, I should take up my cross daily and wait on God. That sounds lazy, but remember the guy in the fall getup. And remember that waiting is harder than action, much of the time. It requires trust and patience (which I lack).
Right now I don’t need six job offers or even six companies to which I might apply. *Takes off down vest* I don’t need to know what my next degree will be or if there will be one or if I need to be a school librarian. *exchanges sweatshirt for t-shirt* I don’t need to live in the future as a fail-safe because God is already there. *struggles to remove sweats over gym shoes… falls over… rights self and pulls on gym shorts*