Whew. What a week. I went to St. Louis and helped pull off an event celebrating ethical fashion and talking about revolution in the garment industry. I came home and headed straight to night class with a plastic cup of macaroni and cheese my roommate had made in anticipation of my arrival.
And that set the tone for the rest of the week: flying, running, eating on the go.
I’m blogging right now because I think I’m caught up. I think I’m at the point where it’s comfortable to take an evening to make cupcakes with my friend and breathe.
Today I realized I had accidentally triple-booked my Tuesday afternoon. Scheduled an interview, a meeting with a professor, and a shift at work for the same time. Panic ensued with very short breaths and wide eyes and racing mind.
Are you sick of this conversation yet? I know I am. I’m so sick of responding to, “How’s it going?” with “Busy,” especially since that’s not really even a grammatically correct answer.
Where is my, Be still and know that I am God right now? Where is my cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you? Where is my easy yoke and light burden?
Stillness and putting anxiety to rest has not been the name of the game recently. I’ve been playing a frenzied version of Chutes and Ladders where I forget to even ask for peace, thinking it way too far out of my grasp. College students aren’t allowed to be peaceful during finals time. In fact, if you’re not stressed, you are more an object of scorn. Oh, you must not have anything to do. You must be a slacker.
The dreaded word.
Do I wear my stress as a badge of pride? Would it be shameful to be at peace instead, experiencing one of the most beautiful parts of the Gospel – that I am saved and loved and my value isn’t dependent on my performance? That I’m free to do things well and to take my life one step at a time while completely depending on my capable Savior?
I hope I wouldn’t be ashamed to do that.
I hope I am confident enough that God’s promise of offering peace doesn’t mean that my responsibilities go away or that I drop every ball I’m juggling to take a nap. It means that right there, right in the middle of the chaos, I can walk with peace. I can be a calm juggler, one who trusts that God will see me through.
I’m going to mentally go to this field when anxiety strikes. I’m going to picture walking with Jesus and tell him I’m stressed and hear Him tell me He’s capable. You can join me if you need a mental field.