Planner panic.

Let me lay out a little absurdity for you here.

I have never been without some direction in my life. I have never wanted for employment when I desperately needed it. There has always been a bed for me to sleep in and a roof over that bed. Even though it’s not part of the package when I signed up to follow Jesus, He has provided for all of these things in every stage of my life.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I’ve been anxious lately. Panicky. One year from now, I’ll be headed out into the world with a piece of paper that says I’ve completed college, maybe even know something. Which world will I be headed into? What field of work will I apply for? Will I even have a job? Will I have three jobs? Will I live in my childhood bedroom? Will I live in Chicago? Will I actually escape the Midwest that I love so much (really, I do) for a warmer climate?

You get the idea. If you’ve ever graduated from anything, you can relate. If you’ve ever reached the end of something enormous, you can relate.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

Sooooo, I’ve only been in school for the past sixteen years of my life. Now what?

You can tell I’m an anxious planner type because I’m still a year away from this and getting my stomach in knots about where and what and when and how much and with whom?

How much of this goodness and mercy can I count on? My fear isn’t that I’ll end up homeless or destitute, because it would have to be an act of God for all of my safety nets to fall. My fear is that I’ll be doing the wrong thing in the wrong place. What will make it wrong? If it isn’t the best.

Does goodness and mercy follow you if you misinterpret God’s will for your life? Does it follow you when you direct your steps through the valley of the shadow of death just because you weren’t totally sure which path to take, and this one looked bright at first?

I like that word, follow, but I’d rather do the following. I’d rather follow goodness and mercy, the Love that has lead me all the days of my life, into His house. Is it possible to want to follow so desperately and to get totally lost?

I’m putting my money in the bank account that says, “No, it isn’t possible to be incapable of following God into His plan for your life.”

I think that’s what the verse in Romans is for about God working everything out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. If I love God and am trying to follow Him, He honors that.

This one is mostly for me, to remind me that God cares more about where my heart is than that I’ve figured out His ten-step plan for me and am following it to the letter.

2 thoughts on “Planner panic.

  1. Ashley, I believe that trust is one of the hardest thing we have to do in life. I love the verses in Jeremiah 29:11-13. “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. Then you WILL call to me, and you WILL come and pray to me, and I will answer you. You WILL seek me, and you WILL find me because you WILL seek me with all your heart.” When we trust God and his promises to us, we will allow him to work in our lives to bring about the plans he has in mind for us. We cannot always be reaching back to him and questioning his promises. We have to be patient and wait. I know that is hard for you to do because you want to know yesterday what tomorrow is going to bring you. It doesn’t work that way with God. This is a lesson I had to learn when your Papa Mc felt that he had been called to the ministry. The decision to follow God’s plan was not an easy one, but he has blessed us beyond measure in more ways than I could have ever imagined. No! It has not always been easy, but trust demands that I trust the only one that knows what is best for me. Just keep doing your part and let God work his plans for you. You do not have to be anxious, worried or depressed about your future. God has your future in his hands and he will direct you in the way he wants you to go.

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