Shared custody.

“Write every day,” they say. So, here I am, doing my writing for today, though my brain feels a little less than sharp at the moment.

Why aren’t you feeling so sharp, Ashley?

Not sure. It probably didn’t have to do with the fact that I had math today. Our worksheet for class today was entitled, “Counting.” Welcome to General Education life.

No, not much has been required of me today. I’m just fuzzy.

But I finally painted my toenails… just in time for a cloudy, cold day where open-toed shoes aren’t really an option. You win some, you lose some, right?

I’ve been trying to walk the line between being responsible and pro-active and being peaceful this week. Those two camps kind of go to war with each other. Responsibility and Pro-activity both say, “Look ahead. Worry. Pace. Write things down. Don’t forget.” And peace? Well, I’m still trying to figure out what peace says. I’m thinking it must say something like, “Look ahead, but don’t worry,” because peace has to still care about my responsibilities, right? I can’t just throw my hands up in the air and say I don’t care.

Or maybe I’m supposed to throw my hands up because I do care? I know I say I need to let go of control all the time (Hi, I’m Ashley. I’m kind of a control freak sometimes), but it’s still true today because I still haven’t figured it out. If you’re sick of reading about real life where people can’t just blog about their issues and move on to something else, then well, I don’t really have anything for you.

I feel like God and I have this shared custody thing going on with my worries and responsibilities and anxieties. Like he’s responsible for all the doing and carrying and making things work, and I’m responsible for… continually giving it to him and taking steps as they come.

I have to remember that I can only walk up on staircase at a time, one step of that staircase at a time.

Whew. And that will be tiring enough.

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