“So why should I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need.”
“Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?”
I should not worry.
Really, I shouldn’t.
How much easier is that said than done? If there was a contest for who could worry about the most things over and over again, then come up with new ways to worry about the same things and new things to worry about in at least ten different ways, I would definitely make the top ten.
I know how to churn my thoughts over and over in my mind and how to imagine the worst possible scenario and the second to worst possible scenario and all the horribly bad things that could happen or the semi-bad ways my circumstances could turn out. Really, I have an amazing negative imagination.
I’m really great at worrying about my finances, and being abroad, there are a lot of ways to worry about that. I won’t get into all the creative ways I worry that I will become destitute before I get home, but there are lots of ways I do it.
I’m realizing as I lay awake at night worrying, though, how destructive worrying is. It keeps me awake when I want to sleep, it ties my stomach in knots, it makes me feel despondent. It makes it hard for me to breathe deeply and to enjoy life.
I’ve told you a couple times before about how God continues to provide for me. And it’s always the day after I finally tell him, “Okay, I’m done worrying about this. I really am. I trust you to provide. I trust you that even if it isn’t money or if it takes more time than I’m comfortable with, you hold me in your hands and are interested in my well-being.” I also like to remind him that I sponsor a child through Global Fingerprints, and does he want her to lose her sponsor?
Yes, that is manipulative. Good eye, dear reader.
It happened again yesterday. Of course, I would have liked to receive my check for my editing work a few days before my credit card bill was due, but Jesus made me wait until the day before. It came, and I was expecting that my rate would have been met.
Not only did they pay me what I asked for… they paid me two and a half times that amount. I have no idea why. I don’t understand. But I know that it was Jesus, saying Remember how you said you trust me? Here’s why it’s worth it. I know what you need. I know that you need a faith boost. I know that money isn’t the only way to satisfy your needs, but here’s my promise that I will provide for you even in the little ways that you humans need, like with money.
Jesus knows when I need a reminder that He’s worth trusting. Really, I have enough reminders to looks back on that I shouldn’t need new ones. But He knows that I need it, so He keeps reminding me.
I remember whose I am today and why it’s so important that I am His.