Stupidity, doubting, and faith.

Let’s talk about the three of those in that order.

First: stupidity.

Stupidity (stoo-pid-it-ee), def: You make a full, large cup of hot tea. You set your laptop on your bed and intend to join it there with your tea. Your bed is one foot off of the floor, so you have to lower yourself a lot farther than your center of gravity is used to. You lower yourself down, meanwhile sloshing tea onto your computer (aka lifeline to home, center of memories, files, and work from years and years).

You have a half second of panic and disbelief, then you grab the towel from the shelf and dab the computer. Oh, no. Ohhhhhh, no. Don’t die, baby, you whisper. No, no, no. Don’t die. I need you. I NEED YOU.

As you’re dabbing, you have the presence of mind to turn the computer off. And by some miracle, you realize it would be a good idea to set the computer up like a tent (upside down) so that the water can all drain out.

Doubting (dow-ting), def: First, you doubt that you could have ever done something so clumsy and stupid. You, who never do anything like this (note the sarcasm there). Then you doubt that God will heal it. Oh shoot, he’s probably going to say that he has a better idea. He’s going to make me buy a new laptop. Oh shoot, I can’t do that. I really can’t do that. And what will I do without my files? Where will I get such a marvelous computer as Matilda? Why do bad things have to happen when you’re brand new to a foreign country? Still, despite all the doubting, you realize that the only way this can get better is by miraculous healing.

So, you set your hand on your computer tent, which is sitting on the towel on your bed. (the tea cup is now on the floor, out of the way) You pray for a good fifteen minutes, pleading as honestly as you know how with God to fix the darn thing and to overcome your stupidity. You promise to make it known when He does. You tell him that you know that he could have a better idea, but you tell him you can’t handle the better idea. You just would like to have it fixed. You tell him that maybe there was a lesson he wanted to teach you by making you buy a new laptop in a foreign country, but you ask if you could learn that another way.

Then you proceed to continue to worry. And you wonder why you can’t just trust God to fix it. You know that God has fixed your phone before, has given you an extra week with Pearl that you really needed. He could give you an extra five months with this machine. You know that God has the power, the reason, and the sense to fix it, but you wonder if he thinks something else might be better (even though you have no idea how not fixing it could be better). You wonder why you can’t just let God have this situation. You want to try turning on the computer.  I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t know that it’s fixed. You try turning it on. It turns on but then goes black. You decide God isn’t ready to fix it but hope he is soon. You really want to trust God.

It’s a computer for goodness sakes. So you text your parents to pray for it, even though it’s a computer and you don’t want to tell them how stupid you were.

Faith (fay-th), def: You calm down and go to sleep. Then you wake up the next morning, eat müesli, drink coffee (the same coffee you have a small victory with yesterday), and tell God that you trust Him to fix it. You trust him because he called you here, and in order for you to stay here and be sane, you need your computer. You remember his words to Peter when Peter was walking on the water towards Jesus and started to doubt and sink, “You of little faith, why did you doubt? ” So you decide not to doubt. He’s faithful. You remember Daniel’s words in chapter 9, “We do not make requests of you because we are righteous but because of your great mercy.”

Have mercy on this tea-spiller, Lord.

You get the strong urge to turn on the computer again, so strong that you pour out the small remainder of cold coffee and go to your room.

And it turns ON. It allows you to login, and it stays on. And has not changed since.


Here’s my psalm for today: Praise the Lord! He has heard our prayers and fixed the computer. His faithfulness and computer savvy, no one can fathom. Hallelujah for connection and for files restored!


3 thoughts on “Stupidity, doubting, and faith.

  1. Oh Ashley….HUG HUG HUG….Love this. God cares about everything and I love that you remind us of that so often. Hope things are well. Love you.

  2. Pingback: Contacts and miracles. « Journey [In Austria] to Who I Want to Be

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