Knitting vulnerability.

As beautiful as weddings are, they’re also exhausting. Recovery from such exhaustion should include either a trip to Cancun with your new husband or knitting a scarf and watching Sherlock.

Obviously, I chose the latter.

So, now that I’ve confessed to you the greater portion of how I spent my week (oh, I went to the dentist, too), let’s talk about what it looks like to be honest.

Have you ever had that conversation with someone where you’re both trying to prove your imperfection? It goes something like this.

I did *this horrible thing* to that person. Gosh, I’m just so awful. And look at you. You’re here, and you spent your day at the homeless shelter while I did *that horrible thing*. You’re just… you’re so perfect. I want to be you.

Then the person who did good deeds that particular day but knows that they are quite imperfect uses hyperbole to try to convince the other person that they’re just as bad… if not, worse.

Oh, honey, if you only knew how bad I am in my thoughts/how much I mess up/how awful I am. What you did would seem like a tiny misstep.

Or have you had a conversation with someone who doesn’t know Jesus where you feel like you have to be the person who has all the answers and is past the mistake-making, fumbling around stage?

Oh, yeah, I know it’s hard to be imperfect and to struggle. I used to be like that, too, but now I know Jesus, so I don’t struggle anymore. It’s like I live in a plastic, iridescent bubble of joy and perfection that can never be popped! 

Somehow, I think we feel like we have to either be the perfect guru of all things wise and wonderful or the wretched wretch who is just so glad that God doesn’t mind people who trip over their own feet on purpose.

Where did we lose vulnerability and honesty? Did we lose it at the same place we lost self-examination? Is it because we don’t know what our struggles are or haven’t identified them that we can’t share them? Or are we just too scared to be honest?

I’m not sure. But it seems like regardless of the cause, honesty and vulnerability is worth pursuing, and self-examination is worth the time and effort.

It might take away from my knitting and tv time, but I suppose that’s a sacrifice I could be willing to make.

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