At the risk of making you think that I’m a liar, I’ll tell you that it’s hard to be honest. But you already knew that.
I know I’m not the first to walk a road where I’d rather not be. I’m not the first to think that when I’m somewhere I’d rather not be that I should simply tell myself that it’s temporary. I’m not the first to think that I have to just keep speaking truth to myself, even though my heart doesn’t believe it. I’m not the first to think that I have to just keep pressing into the challenges until they give way.
Maybe there’s more to be said for giving up and being honest. Maybe there’s more to be said for not pressing into the challenge for just a few minutes and sitting on the floor while telling God why this isn’t fair. Maybe there’s more healing in that.
I’m not saying that we should all sit around and complain all the time. Heavens, no. That only perpetuates the feeling that we’ve somehow been wronged in all this. I’m talking about an honest conversation to God about what’s going on and how we feel about it, telling Him that we’re counting on Him to bring us through.
I know God knows everything about me. He knows who I am, how I feel, what I want, what I need, why I’m here, where I’m going, and what it going to take to get me there…. even when I don’t know, or maybe especially when I don’t know. That being said, why wouldn’t I be honest, at the very least, with Him? Even if I don’ t lay it all out before anyone else, why can’t I tell God?
The Psalmist did. I know I’m not the first to see that and realize that it’s not something to condemn but rather to emulate, but there it is. I’ve got my role model.
I get embarrassed for the Psalmist sometimes when I read the Psalms. I get all Christian-y and judgmental, don’t you know that God will bring you out of your troubles? Don’t you know that He’s present? Why do you tell God what He already knows instead of trying to spout what you think He wants to hear?
Certainly, there’s something to be said for faith under trial, for continuing to believe that God works in difficulties, but isn’t being honest with Him a better picture of that? Instead of saying, I know you’re good, so I’ll eventually be good. Don’t worry about me. I want to say, I know you have better for me and this is part of bringing me there, but this is hard, and I NEED YOU.
It’s another part of the journey, a lesson that doesn’t come all at once or get engrained in my habits in a blink of an eye. If anyone has every told you that walking with Jesus ever gets easy, tell them they need to read the Bible again.