Fight, flight, or opossum.

Some strange things happen in the frozen food aisle of Jewel-Osco.

Sometimes you and your friend, Liesel, decide that you’re not going to make anything gourmet for dinner tonight (since you usually make something super classy like… bagel pizzas or rice with microwavable veggies).  Nope, you’re going to get frozen macaroni and cheese that contains about 40% of your daily saturated fat.

And you’re going to accidentally walk in on a fight between two groups of girls in the frozen food aisle.

It’s unclear exactly how they upset each other, but all you know is that you’re in the middle, expletives are flying – along with insults and threats -, and you just want macaroni and cheese.  So you stand, facing the food, hearing the accusations and nasty words flying.

You just happened to slip into the aisle in between these two groups of angry females at the wrong time.

In case you couldn’t tell, this is actually my story.

In this type of situation, most people have the fight or flight response.  This means you either choose to engage in the conflict (fight) or you run away from it (flight).

In our case, we chose… opossum.  We stayed right where we were, didn’t look at either group of angry women, and mumbled things to each other like, “So, which one do you want?” and “I don’t know, how about you?” over and over again without actually realizing what we were saying until their conflict subsided.

That’s called “playing opossum”.  Pretend you’re not there.  Pretend to be dead.  Pray that they don’t include you in the conflict.  You have no opinion in the matter and would rather not be involved.

That, dear friends, is how you handle a shouting match that you are not involved in when you encounter it in the frozen food aisle.  I hope that’s helpful.  Any questions?

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