Americano… decaf.

You could say that I like coffee, but I almost feel like that would be lying.  I’ve been drinking it every morning in order to breathe and speak and think properly for the past 5-6 years.  (We’re not going to talk about whether or not it’s an addiction.  We’re just not.)  You might say more accurately that coffee is my best friend or spouse or the best gift God has ever given to mankind.  (exaggerating a little bit on that last one, but I’m proving a point here)

I not only love coffee; I’m devoted to it.

So when I heard someone behind where I’m sitting in the Starbucks that is less jazzy, more acoustic now (fine by me) order a grande decaf Americano I wanted to turn around and say something along these lines:

“WHAT?”  *indignant, angry, hurt, shocked face*

In case you don’t know what an americano is, it’s espresso with water added.  Sounds gross, right?  Especially if you’re a froofy coffee person (I’m not).  But in addition to that, this person got it DECAF.

Why not just get all the coffee beans in the world and stomp on them with your dirty hiking boots while singing country music?  Why not just personally insult every person who has every enjoyed a cup of coffee?

Maybe I’m overreacting.

I guess my real question is, Why would you pay for that at Starbucks? 

Good question, right?  I mean, it’s not even giving you a kick to start the day.  And it sure as heck can’t taste good.  But it probably cost at least $4.00.  WHY, Americano person, why??

I did pay $4.99 for my grande pumpkin spice mocha, but that’s just a once in a while treat.  I usually pay $2.14 (with gift cards) for my grande Pike Place roast with room for cream.  And that’s only on Tuesday and Thursdays.

Maybe the decaf americano was that person’s treat of the week. Maybe it’s their favorite thing ever (in which case I would recommend a taste bud transplant), and they just needed it today, like I really wanted my pumpkin spice latte. (limited time only, you know)

It’s yet another lesson in not jumping to conclusions about people I know nothing about.  I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

Americano… psshhhh.

5 thoughts on “Americano… decaf.

  1. You are way too funny Ashley. Both Harold and I were laughing at this one. Loved the, take all the beans and stomp on them with your dirty hiking boots singing country music. That is an awesome line. I agree that we will not get into the addiction part. Thanks for sharing these fun little snippets. I love experiencing life with you. Love you bunches.

  2. Well Ashley, I need to comment on the decaf dialogue. I hope by waiting 2 days to comment, I am better able to express myself.

    Specifically why Wayne cannot have caffeine. My favorites are Caribou and a Decaf Vanilla Latte. Why, well a friend of mine introduced me to Latte’s in Riverside CA in 1997, and I was instantly hooked. Chocolate is not a treat for me. I love hot chocolate, but not mixed with coffee, so I skip the mocha’s. (personal preference,) Never really thought about why people like their mocha’s.

    And then there is the decaf issue. In roughly 1982, I had an annoying health problem. A DR told me to stop drinking caffeinated coffee. I found that when I got a headache every morning around 1030, that if I had a cup of coffee the headache would go away. 2 weeks later I saw the DR again, same symptoms and he said I could not ween myself off, but had to just stop caffeine and the headaches would go away in 2 weeks. Well, I did but had headaches for 24 hrs a day for 10 days. Nothing would stop the headaches. (Wayne’s caffeine withdrawal.) My health improved.

    Since I like coffee, I have cheated and drank a cup of caffeinated coffee, and guess what, I do not sleep for 24 hours.

    PS, as a result, my soda of choice is Diet Rite Cola, which I have also been buying since 1982. Why soda without is not available, I drink water.

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