Really, truly real.

I might be the only one, but I picture myself looking differently than I actually look.  Like, when I see pictures of myself, I almost wonder who it is.  I guess my brain thinks I have blonder hair, a smaller nose, a more round face, and a less-gummy smile.  Not that I’m dissatisfied with the way God made me, but there’s strange discrepancy between what I see in the mirror and what I picture in my head.

If you have this same issue, please tell me. I’d like to know if I’m not alone.  Whenever I read that passage in James that talks about how people who read the Bible and go away without obeying are like a person who looks in the mirror and goes away, forgetting what he looks like, I think uhhh……  Yep, that’s me.

That got me thinking, do I come across to people the way I think I do?  I don’t think there’s really a way of figuring that out.  But I do wonder.  Can people tell that I’m different because Jesus is my best friend (and not in the cliché way, for real)?  does it show when I smile and when I worship and when I speak and when I blog and when I sit in class and when I got to Cub Foods and…?

I want to be real.  The kind of person that you can poke and prod and when you do, you see that it doesn’t bring down a façade or a mask.  Not blunt or wearing my heart on my sleeve (even though I’m told that I don’t mask my emotions well at all.  Of course, I wouldn’t know, since I don’t even know what my face looks like.), but never trying to gloss over what I feel or saying what  sounds good because I don’t want to put in the effort to figure out how I’m really doing or explain something more in depth.

Depth.  I want to have depth.  That when the probing happens it doesn’t just poke and bounce back.

And now, I’m going to pack.  I finally got my room clean after India, and now I  have to go through the packing thing again.  I’m off to my College of Choice this weekend, to compete for a scholarship.  What’s in store?  Listening to lecture, writing about lecture, discussing lecture…. winning scholarship?  We will see.

Oh, and did I mention that I’m going to be 18 in two days?  An adult.  A “grown-up” (I hate that term, since it makes me sound like a 5-year-old when I say it, but it applies.)  Things I will be able to do by 6:45 pm on Saturday: 1) vote – already registered! 2) marry legally – uh, I don’t think so.  not for quite a while. 3) legally sign contracts and other legal documents 4) work full-time 5) start a 401k – wow, that seems like planning ahead! 6) own a car 7) lease an apartment or house 8) sue or be sued – not so excited about that one. 9) buy tobacco products – hah. yeah, right.  Like I’m going to give myself cancer. 10) get a tattoo – how’s that going to look when I’m 80? 11) buy a rifle – I’ll get on that next week. 12)change my name – how does “Clementine” sound to you? 13) buy lottery tickets and gamble – I have enough trouble keeping my money without that, thank you very much! 14) get a not provisional driver’s license – there goes $20.

Well, wasn’t that exciting?  I guess there are more things than I thought.  Here we go; on to adulthood.

one by one, my friends and I are turning our backs on our childhoods and facing our futures.

2 thoughts on “Really, truly real.

  1. Happy early birthday! I still think you should buy a lotto ticket. You have no chance of winning but it is more about the idea that you can do it if you want. Plus if you were really responsible(and irresponsible at the same time) you can claim gambling loses on your taxes. haha

  2. Pingback: Journey in a year. « Journey to Who I Want to Be

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