I might be the only one, but I picture myself looking differently than I actually look. Like, when I see pictures of myself, I almost wonder who it is. I guess my brain thinks I have blonder hair, a smaller nose, a more round face, and a less-gummy smile. Not that I’m dissatisfied with the way God made me, but there’s strange discrepancy between what I see in the mirror and what I picture in my head.
If you have this same issue, please tell me. I’d like to know if I’m not alone. Whenever I read that passage in James that talks about how people who read the Bible and go away without obeying are like a person who looks in the mirror and goes away, forgetting what he looks like, I think uhhh…… Yep, that’s me.
That got me thinking, do I come across to people the way I think I do? I don’t think there’s really a way of figuring that out. But I do wonder. Can people tell that I’m different because Jesus is my best friend (and not in the cliché way, for real)? does it show when I smile and when I worship and when I speak and when I blog and when I sit in class and when I got to Cub Foods and…?
I want to be real. The kind of person that you can poke and prod and when you do, you see that it doesn’t bring down a façade or a mask. Not blunt or wearing my heart on my sleeve (even though I’m told that I don’t mask my emotions well at all. Of course, I wouldn’t know, since I don’t even know what my face looks like.), but never trying to gloss over what I feel or saying what sounds good because I don’t want to put in the effort to figure out how I’m really doing or explain something more in depth.
Depth. I want to have depth. That when the probing happens it doesn’t just poke and bounce back.
And now, I’m going to pack. I finally got my room clean after India, and now I have to go through the packing thing again. I’m off to my College of Choice this weekend, to compete for a scholarship. What’s in store? Listening to lecture, writing about lecture, discussing lecture…. winning scholarship? We will see.
Oh, and did I mention that I’m going to be 18 in two days? An adult. A “grown-up” (I hate that term, since it makes me sound like a 5-year-old when I say it, but it applies.) Things I will be able to do by 6:45 pm on Saturday: 1) vote – already registered! 2) marry legally – uh, I don’t think so. not for quite a while. 3) legally sign contracts and other legal documents 4) work full-time 5) start a 401k – wow, that seems like planning ahead! 6) own a car 7) lease an apartment or house 8) sue or be sued – not so excited about that one. 9) buy tobacco products – hah. yeah, right. Like I’m going to give myself cancer. 10) get a tattoo – how’s that going to look when I’m 80? 11) buy a rifle – I’ll get on that next week. 12)change my name – how does “Clementine” sound to you? 13) buy lottery tickets and gamble – I have enough trouble keeping my money without that, thank you very much! 14) get a not provisional driver’s license – there goes $20.
Well, wasn’t that exciting? I guess there are more things than I thought. Here we go; on to adulthood.