This may end up being some of your typical musings about the new year. I may end up listing my resolutions. Or maybe I won’t make any. Maybe by the end of this paragraph I’ll have decided that they’re useless. Or maybe I’ll have a list of twenty.
Just goes to show I don’t even know what the next five minutes holds, much less 2012. I’ve got plans, don’t get me wrong. I know what I’d like to happen in that year. I’d like to have a grand heading for 2012: NOT THE END, BUT THE BEGINNING. (even though that’s a little cheesy) I’d like to have a life-changing experience in India, graduate with the best grades I could possibly muster while still keeping the connections with my friends strong, spend the summer preparing to go to college, and have a fabulous first semester of higher education.
Should I add some resolutions to that? On one hand, if I’ve made a resolution, it means I’ve taken a serious look at my life and thought about where it could use improvement – which is always a good thing; humility and perspective make a good combo. Then again, I usually don’t keep the way I thought I would. Last year, I wrote down about 6 words to describe who I wanted to be in the next year, and I posted them in my bathroom. It did make a difference in how I lived throughout my day, but it wasn’t the radical, tangible change that required losing 20 pounds, having a new filing system, and getting rid of my excess stuff.
Even if I don’t actually implement the resolutions that I come up with, I think that the reflection and sobriety that comes with that will most likely be beneficial over harmful.
Honesty is paramount to making resolutions that will actually make a difference in how I live, so it’s confession time:
I am a messy person. I have organized thoughts (at least some of the time), but in the tangible, I live creatively. There are clothes creatively strewn across my floor right now and things creatively jammed into my closet. I also have creatively stacked papers that I will eventually need but don’t need right now on my floor, my desk, and my dresser.
I will probably have a roommate in college, or maybe two. I would like to be a neat person, a considerate roommate.
SO, resolution #1: to always be able to see all of my floor in my room and to have the clutter minimized. And to put away my laundry the day after it is cleaned.
Maybe I should stop there. If I make only one resolution, I’m more likely to keep it. And if I don’t keep that one, I’ll feel like a complete failure. What? You didn’t keep the ONE, SMALL resolution that you made?
You know what? I think I will. I’m sure I’ll come up with other self-improvement projects throughout the year. God will show me where I fall short, and He will continue to mold me spiritually.
Maybe I’ll post pictures weekly to keep myself accountable to that.
Maybe I won’t.
As I sit here with Macky, my sister’s laptop, the realization that each year contains so much change, so much growth, so many wrenches in my plans, countless tears, even more laughs, sickness, health, decisions, transitions slaps me with nostalgia. And then, from that sentimental moment comes wonder at what 2012 will bring.
I wonder. I wish. I pray. And, at the end of all of that, the truth that God is the one who has already written my story and has gone before me takes away any anxiety that could arise when pondering the unknown.
So, without further ado, here come the last 12 hours of 2011.