I proved my humanity today. It wasn’t ever in question, but I definitely proved it today when I sauntered into my calculus class, sat down, then watched in horror as everyone else pulled out their completed homework.
Horror, you see, because I didn’t finish mine. I worked up until problem #58 in class the day before and completely forgot to do the remaining 15 or so problems. I did my other homework after volleyball and picking out my senior picture prints, then, thinking wow, look at that, I’m done with my homework by 10:00, I went to bed.
Without doing my homework.
I don’t usually do that. But I’ve done it twice this week, unintentionally.
I am most definitely human. Something my sister emailed me yesterday is particularly applicable to me right now. She sent me a link to an article from RZIM, one that explored the story of Elijah after God showed up all the prophets of Baal at Mount Carmel. I can’t imagine seeing what Elijah saw there, and I, along with the lady who wrote the article, wondered how Elijah could – after God’s huge display of power and glory, showing whose side He is on – run away in fear when Jezebel threatened his life. He ran into the wilderness and begged God twice to take his life. (okay, I’m not quite at that point. No where near actually, but follow me here.)
If I was God, I would have slapped Elijah upside the head, said what more proof do you need that I am on your side? Why do you run when mere mortals threaten to harm you when you know that I, the Lord who burns up water, am on your side? Then I would have told him to buck up and go face Jezebel.
But that’s not what God did. First, he sent food to Elijah, telling him that he was too weak for the journey ahead. Then He appeared to them in a still, small voice.
If there was anyone who didn’t deserve that, it was Elijah.
Okay, so that’s my jealousy speaking, since I would love to see the prophets of Baal defeated when my God burns up rocks and pools of water, but really, Elijah had just said with his actions that He didn’t really trust God, even after ALL that he had seen! But God responded by refueling Elijah and gently pushing Him on his way.
It was a reminder to me that God doesn’t condemn us for having a bad day. He isn’t just here along beside me, waiting for it to get better so He can teach me something about it. He’s the one pushing little blessings my way, cushioning the blows that often come from my own stupidity and showing me the way to get back on my feet. I think I forget sometimes that God is “gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matt. 11:29)
On another note, I have realized that I eat pizza about 5 times a week on average. I ate it last Thursday for both lunch and dinner, then I ate it again on Sunday night. Monday’s lunch was… pizza, and I just ate it again right after school.
And I enjoyed it every time. Maybe I’m strange, but I just don’t get sick of pizza.